yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
