we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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