i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it glows. i had to have it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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