All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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