wat bout pragnant strippers??
now i know why i became what i already was.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize