Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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