I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
