my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
