I'm going to jail i love you
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
