her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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