New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
