I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
