her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
