we're blogging at a bar
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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