Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
