her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
