I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
