hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
