The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
