I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
