You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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