I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
