I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
