I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
