do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
