I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
