Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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