your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
