You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
