so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
