When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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