just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
