i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
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so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Help. Why am I so naked?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize