I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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