I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
