I feel like I'm in dance class right now
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
