That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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