Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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