Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
