He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
