i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
