there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
