I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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