Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
