You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
