just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
