That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
