Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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