just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
porn star boner night. come get it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
