I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
