Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
