dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
