sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
