How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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