i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
