i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
