Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
