the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
