youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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