OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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