I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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