can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
