Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
