so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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