Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
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