I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
