I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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