some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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